You’ll usually hear non secular administrators speak about how a lot they love their directees. And it’s true that once we maintain tales of vulnerability and ache or energy and pleasure, we really feel a way of affection. What sort of love are we speaking about?
Love, not Romance
First, let me be clear that underneath no circumstance ought to a non secular director start a romantic relationship with a shopper (present or former). That might be extremely unethical. And, the Code of Ethics for Religious Administrators (1992 Dove Publications) advises non secular administrators to observe for “leaky margins,” together with locations the place the route relationship turns right into a particular friendship.
Particular Form of Love
The type of love a non secular director holds for his or her directee ought to be an unconditional one the place we’re not searching for any specific end result nor are we making an attempt to form that directee’s path. Your non secular route exhibits love by:
- Observing clear boundaries—figuring out the place “you finish, they usually start.”
- Staying inside their function as non secular director—not veering into the advisor or trainer function.
- Conserving confidence.
- Holding you in optimistic regard. Liking you adequate to help you making your personal choices.
- Realizing when to probe deeper into your reactions and responses to occasions in your life, and figuring out when to easily maintain the area and preserve silence.
- Permitting your time collectively to be about you.
- Praying for you.
- Accepting you simply as you might be.
- Trusting your knowledge in discernment.
- Believing that you’re all the time in God’s arms, and God is your true non secular director.
We Keep in Our Position
The extremely moral non secular director will gently refuse a blurring of boundaries or roles. They may:
- Be cautious to not steer you in a selected route or provide you with recommendation.
- Determine the boundaries of contact outdoors of appointments. Some administrators are strict about this and others “play it by ear.”
- Generally flip down requests for the director to be part of any exercise outdoors of the route session.
- Be very cautious about twin relationships (i.e., if they’re your pastor they possible is not going to comply with be a long run non secular director with you.)
- Not inform others who they’re working with. They could merely say “hello” and never cease for a chat in public while you or they’re with different folks (in order that confidentiality will not be damaged.)
- Not share a lot in any respect about themselves except they really feel sure what they share meets your wants and never their very own.
- Set boundaries for a way lengthy periods will go and the way a lot they cost. And be clear about sticking to them.
- Refer you to a different serving to skilled in case your wants significantly exceed what they’ll do in non secular route.
As you possibly can see, there are lots of methods of exhibiting love. Principally, we love our directees by honoring their autonomy, uniqueness, and knowledge.
Teresa Blythe is the Director of the Phoenix Heart for Religious Route and writer of the e book Spiritual Direction 101. She presents non secular route, supervision, and trains folks 1:1 within the Apprentice Coaching Program for Religious Administrators. For details about her work go to her web site www.teresablythe.net .
